Inner Human Strength

I watched an interesting movie last night. It’s not an old film though the setting dates back to the early 1940’s. It is the story of Anne Frank. BBC produced the film in 2009. It was a great rendition of the book, A Diary of Anne Frank. I remember reading this book as a young girl in Junior High School. We read it in a play format during our class time. Don’t rightly remember the class subject, but we took a few weeks to read it. I got to play the part of Anne Frank. It made a tremendous impression on me, as I had never heard of her prior to the class.

The movie last night sure brought the character of Anne Frank to light in the most exciting way. She was so full of life; she lacked temperament but she certainly was smarter than most her age. She experienced every thing in her life with such enthusiasm. She was often stubborn and some what of a spoiled brat, but it didn’t shadow the good qualities about her. What is so sad is the fact that all eight people who hid in that house for two years were captured and killed, save one. They did not survive more than a year from the day of their capture.

 

When I read or see stories like this, I often wonder how I would react in those same situations. Would I be strong enough to survive? Would I sacrifice my life and well-being for another? Or would I turn animal like most to preserve my own life. One can never truly know until one is placed in those situations.

 

I have had fears that I lacked certain fortitude in perilous situations. I imagined  Amanda (my daughter) and I standing in the street (back was Amanda was still little), and this big angry dog came running toward us and jumped on Amanda and began biting on her face. And all I could do was stand there. In my conscience day dream, I hated myself for just standing there, frozen at the sight before me, knowing that my daughters face was mangled beyond recognition. I questioned my ability to mother effectively. Do I chose my own well-being over hers? Was I frozen for fear? I believed I was a horrible mother.    That vision was the manifestation of my lack of confidence in my own abilities, not only to be a good mother but a good person.  Now, years later, I believe that I very much could beat that dog off my little girl. Youth possesses an element of insecurities; is my conclusion to this lack of action in my day mare . In real life, I think I very well could of fought off the dog, even as much as killing it. But, I didn’t know it then. I was afraid I was this terrible person.

 

So, to put myself in the shoes of another, during a time of great trial, would I be able to put others’ needs before my own, or would I do anything to survive, much like those did during that horrific period of persecution during World War II? Is it possible to subdue the beast that lives within each of us, or is it during the most desperate times, we turn to natural instincts and take from others? I think we all would like to think we can be the hero and always do the right thing. But, even those whom have been surrounded by the most honorable of men, failed to be the hero. To whom I speak of in particular; Peter, otherwise known as Simon, one of the twelve disciples.

 

Human nature is wild, relentless, selfish, and uncaring at times. And the only thing I have found to combat the nature of man (flesh), is the nature of spirit. Through the years I have felt and experienced the blessings and spiritual growth of being close to God. Through the power of prayer and submission, feeding the spirit and depriving the flesh gave me the power to overcome human instinct. But, then again, that is my personal experience and I believe not everyone feels or believes the same things.

 

But, one thing I learned very quickly is the fight between the flesh and the spirit is on-going; it never ends. So, I ask myself, where am I now? I feed the flesh more than the spirit. I know deep inside that I shouldn’t. But religion has left a horrible taste in my mouth, and submission to anyone or anything is a little difficult. Yes, trust is an issue. I feel let down; even though I know the wiles of man and his battle to do what is good; I’ve been used and abused almost to the point of no return. To even think about submitting myself to any other person, save my husband, automatically causes a bucking in my spirit; it’s like choosing to be placed in a cage; as if shackles would immediately appear on my hands and feet, zapping the life right out of me, and the joy of being alive. I have contemplated the notion of some kind of happy medium between the ultimate freedom I know and  experience, and the bondage of servitude; however, I am not sure that one exists. I know I should freely give my life for the greater good of man, but the resentment is overwhelming.  Is it my flesh and my selfishness that causes me to step away? or is it the way I should really go; serving men for God’s sake? I don’t even know. Some part of me believes that the hurt and pain is still too near for me to make those changes within myself, and that perhaps time will allow me to pick up the reins of serving God and man. Much like the men of old whom traveled weary paths before coming to the place of reckoning. I shall wait and see what is to come for my life.

It’s not as if I have totally abandoned the notion of lending a hand to others, or offering help to those who need it, whether it be monetary or otherwise, it is just not with reckless abandon with which I do them. I am cautious and choosy.  Is it possible to be Godly without the dictation of the church? These are the questions that plague me.  It’s the traditions and blind obedience the church requires that repulses me and repels me from all out servitude.  If I am doing something solely out of duty, does it have no affect? In other words, is it doing anyone any good? But, build resentment? Am I not an adult to make my own decisions and choices? Am I to forever be required to act as a child and give up all freedoms of choice, to be saved? As adults, we have the intellect to make choices and decisions without the guide of another, unless for some strange reason we have stepped out of reality. Are men in leadership positions within the church incapable of giving up control of it’s people? I think so. It has been proven throughout history. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.  But, then, who knows how I will feel in the future…*

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~ by Liderien on July 20, 2012.

2 Responses to “Inner Human Strength”

  1. Nice post. Religion and spirt and flesh… these things are central to my private time thinking.

    I want to say that religion is a prostitute. My advice to you is to go study the teachings, using your on brain as the guide and yardstick. Get all the middlemen-for-cash out the way and you’ll find something worthy of attention.

    The dog scenario is a tragedy, but not primarily your tragedy. That doesn’t mean that one shouldnt think your thoughts.

    Love is genius after all. it pushes us to become more.

  2. Hey there,

    I came to “faith” in 1981, at the age of twenty, having no prior religious training. The first time I ever read the bible was the Gideon’s NT that was given to me at my induction to the Air Force, though I was searching for God and was open to faith.

    In just a few months, I did come to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, but also found my way to a near-cultish religious group… unfortunately, I was ignorant of what the bible said, and took their word that their right-wing, man-centered, personality-based religious system was correct.

    For years I watched pastors whom I was under or had been under abuse their flocks, hide gross immorality (including their own), maliciously hurt those who tried to expose the wrong, etc, and finally woke up and left the whole mess behind. That’s not to say someday I couldn’t find a church again where I could be a part with a clear conscience, but I’m in no hurry and feel no pressure nor compulsion to “join” somewhere, just for the sake of joining.

    I still have a walk with God, and still read His book, but have been liberated from the religious and theological systems, and am none the worse for it.

    I just wanted to encourage you to not lose hope or faith in the Lord, simply because man gets in the way. From 2003-05, I spent nearly two years angry with God and pretty much everyone else… it’s not a healthy state to be in, and the Lord doesn’t deserve a bad rap simply because His creation doesn’t follow His ways… as the hymn goes, “turn your eyes upon Jesus.”

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